fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
