when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize