why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
so let's talk penis.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
