Where are you?
In a non slutty way
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
