O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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