guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
