I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
