Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
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