my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize