well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize