Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
