Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
