So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
