we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I stole a fireplace last night.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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