guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
