He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
