I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
