Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
