I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
