I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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