i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
