Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Hello my rib-scented angel!
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
