He is such a slut. More and more my type.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
