mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
