I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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