I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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