I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
