When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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