Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
