the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
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