she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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