his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
