i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
