Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
