I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
