Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
