my sisters under your porch take her home
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Randomize
