Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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