At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
