Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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