I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Randomize
