i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
