we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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