After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
