He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize