Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
