What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
