I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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