Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
this is an emotional support booty call
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
