I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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