this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
