Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
