Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Randomize
