Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
