Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
