they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
