you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
