considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
