6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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