Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
