My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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