I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
