I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
