I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
