I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
