whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
