So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Randomize
